i haven't written a real journal entry in such a long time, i wish i had something good to talk about that isn't comics-/job-related. i can't believe it's almost July, i'm going to have to start thinking about this year's Halloween Movie Monster pretty soon!
i won't be at San Diego Comic Con this year, my next show will be New York Comic Con in October, but i'm thinking about going to Small Press Expo (SPX), not as an exhibitor but as an attendee/fan. there are a bunch of people there i want to meet and hang out with.
right now i'm working on Glory #29 and trying to make time to start thumbnailing Shadoweyes 3. juggling projects is tough.
see, all i have to write about is what stuff i'm working on, blagh. here's some other stuff: i pre-ordered the new Ninja Turtles toys (just the 4 Turtles) which supposedly come out in August. i was debating whether or not to do it, several years ago i used to be a toy-buying fiend but i haven't gotten anything new in a long time and got rid of most of the ones i had except a handful, and i made a loose vow that i wouldn't buy any more. which was easy to do because the only ones i really would get were Gamera, there aren't any new Gamera movies being made so no new toys or at least no toys that aren't monsters i already have, and the Four Horsemen-designed He-Man toys & statues which they stopped making and i don't like the new Classics line (snore). i think the last figures i got were the NECA Ninja Turtles back in 2008, so it's been quite a while and i never thought anything new would come out that i would care about. plus my apartment is one room and i literally don't have the space for anything else. but other than those practical considerations, the biggest thing is that for the past several years i've been wrestling with what it means to be grown-up or an adult or whatever and how i still feel like a kid at age 32 and i'm still invested in all this "kid" stuff like Ninja Turtles and Final Fantasy 7 and Gamera, i dress pretty much the same as i did 10-15 years ago (i even still wear a couple shirts i had in elementary school, they still fit), i'm still a "nerd/geek," i work at home drawing comics in my pajamas which sure doesn't help since i've never had a real "grown-up" type job (sure as hell not complaining about that, though! haha), while the rest of my family is pretty traditionally "adult," including my younger sister, and most of my friends are that way too, so i feel like sometimes they've grown and changed while i've stayed the same.
sometimes i look around my apartment, which is probably really tame by nerd standards, i don't have a lot, and i think "where did i make the wrong turn? what kind of life is this?" and i think it needs to be time to put away childish things and all that. i wonder why my friends and family don't get invested in something the same way i do, like if there was some biological process that normally should happen that didn't happen in me, so i'm left still for some reason giving a huge shit about, say, Tifa Lockhart, a character in a decent video game from 1997 that i don't think i've even played in over a decade. and here i am planning a Ninja Turtles fan-comic, like will this be the final threshold? the point of no return?! it seems like i'm getting "worse" over the years, like i'm getting LESS adult, haha. BUT, all that said, i've had some good conversations with friends about all this, and my friend Zach said that i can't gauge myself against a made-up social metric like this and i just have to be myself, which sounds like the most obvious, corniest lesson ever, but when he said it to me last weekend it was what i needed to hear. then my friend Kelly said that i reject or question so many other societal standards, so why do i embrace this one? i couldn't really answer that. i suppose it's also wrapped up in being an artist and writer, constantly surrounded by characters and stories and ideas and stuff like that, in my own work, friends' work, the field i work in professionally/my job, everything. so i feel way better about it now than i have in a while, and i guess it says something that even though i've been dwelling on it i also haven't taken many steps to change it. i still feel like i'm grappling with it but i think throwing my hands up and hitting the pre-order button on those new Turtles toys was probably the way to go. just gotta accept myself and forget about the societal conventions!
do any of you ever grapple with anything like this, too?